Enjoying Growing Older

I was raised in the 1960s during a time of great civil unrest. We were taught to never trust anyone over 30.

That works great when you are 19, 20, 21... but when you approach 31, 40, 50... You need a new belief system!

Growing older is a party to be enjoyed. Here's why:

You are freer to speak your mind.

When I express an opinion, I am given a modicum of respect because I am an older woman. I'm not so old as to be considered "doddering" but I do have opinions that are sometimes listened to.

Then there is the experience factor. I have lived through enough difficulties in life that when someone asks advice about their child who is swinging from the ceiling, they are more likely to listen to me because I have been through ADD, LD, ADHD and ee ii ee ii oo with my own children.

Finally, idiosyncrasies are tolerated because my family says, Oh, that's just how mom is."

This is freedom!

You are freer to follow your passions

As a young law school graduate, there were societal expectations. In my circle, the path to take was to be a prosecutor for several years, then private practice to make lots of money, then be appointed a judge until you earned a cushy retirement. I made a good start on that path, then decided to take a mommy sabbatical for 15 years. Upon my return to practicing, I have had the freedom to make it look any way I want it to look, working on my own terms in a way that makes sense in my very complicated life.

With older kids, I am freer to pick up some other interests. I have made a couple of quilts and I'm enjoying some art activities. I never had the time of the undisturbed space to do this before.

I am freer to give my time to causes I believe in. When I volunteered while the kids were little, there was a constant tension between the desire to volunteer and the guilt over taking time from the children. Now, the kids are busy, I'm busy and we're all happy.

As I get older I realize I don't have time to hold grudges. If I have many years left or only a few, I won't waste those years holding grudges that were silly in their inception.

I also don't have time to nurse grievances. I would rather spend my energy accepting and loving other people.

Finally, I can forgive myself for all the stupid things I did in my youth, and there were many. I can look back in love at that young person and thank God for the growth he allowed me to stumble through.

Don't dread getting older. Go there gracefully. There is tremendous freedom ahead to be enjoyed. The way I see it, from here on it's all a party - and I've never been one to miss a good party.

Won't you come along?

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Being A Mother And Enjoying Life?

Ever feel like you're being pulled in all directions at the same time? "That's what being a mother is", I've been told. Since returning to work after my son was born... I have fallen victim to the mother trap of feeling guilty about everything I do, don't do and want to do. That is not to say that my husband puts that guilt on me, not at all. He is great with our son and never has a problem with me going and doing 'my own thing" be it swimming, dinner with the girls or simply grocery shopping. That still does not take away from the fact that their is housework to do, a toddler to take care of and play with, and a job to go to.

The previous generation was that of women who did it all! They worked out of the house, took care of the family and house, and still seemed to have time for their own friends and activities, enjoying every minute... or did they?

Do you know how much sick time and stress leave has occurred simply because we expect too much from ourselves? In the last decade or so the trend does seem to be changing, I don't know if Oprah was the first or not to say publicly that Mothers in particular need to learn how to say "No" and take time for themselves... and not feel guilty about it!!! that is the key, not feeling guilty about it.

I've asked different mothers and observed others as well. I have seen that the ones who go for dinner with friends once a month, or play volleyball weekly, or have some sort of activity they are involved in that is only for them, these mothers are the ones who seem much more relaxed. Hmmm, must be something to it! In conversation with these women, you find that the wash may not be folded yet, or the dishwasher hasn't ran yet, or that they have a housecleaning service come in once or twice a month! Basically, they are not stressing or feeling guilty that those little things are not done.

So here it is, once again, because we have all heard this. Don't sweat the small stuff! Learn to enjoy those times you have for yourself. Yes you are a mother, that does not mean that you are a slave to the kitchen, laundry room or to your job outside of the house if you have one. Take the time to enjoy your family, friends and life, don't worry about the rest. Enjoy being a mother.

Marla is a wife and mother to two little boys. She writes about what is going on in her life and what she feels passionate about. She enjoys communicating with and sharing stories with other parents she meets through her blog, http://neumom.com/. She is a registered xray and ultrasound technologist and is working part time at her local hospital. As well as being a wife, mother and professional her days are filled with friends, blogging and living life! Visit her at http://neumom.com/ and connect there.

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