A Little Girl, Mother Daughter Relationship

Dear a little girl,

Teaching is not my forte; I admit it because each time I step inside that classroom I am challenged to do something so unnatural to me. It's hard enough to control myself let alone fifteen other little kids. It can take a long time for them to listen to me in the classroom for me to each start teaching them what to do. I used to get lost in the hallways when I would pick them up and then lose them in the hallways after I got them. Some took advantage of me when I would be way to nice and others tricked me into doing things they knew I wouldn't know they were allowed to do. Even though I struggled (for the first month), I eventually got it together, especially if this was to be my yearlong commitment. But that's not the reason why I continue going back. I learned to see past the kids' misbehavior and misguidance in the troubled school and I learned I cared more about the relationships I fostered with them at the end of them. Honestly, the love I'm growing for these little kids is preparing me to love you one day, a little girl who will be my own.

My heart melts each time my students run to me with smiles on their faces. They become so happy to see me that it wipes away every thing that day that stole a piece of my joy. Their excitement is contagious and laughter is genuine. I never have to worry about their intentions and them breaking my dreams. I am obsessed with their youth and their cute statures. I remember what it was like to be a little girl again as I bring myself to their place. I am reminded about how carefree and joyful life can really be, without the added stress. I wish I could say I had a favorite, but between the Harmoni's and Blake's, all of them produce a special twinge in my heart. I'm learning about each one of them, like how four-year-old Shayla likes to follow me after class and hates it when I leave and how bad little rascal Blake honestly needs someone to love him since his mom barely shows him mind. Kaila is the sweet goody two shoes who wants to be the best in the class while Wisteria is a little girl who is way too shy to even mutter one little word. Kierra, one of the older ones, has anger problems along with Kylie. They are beautiful eight years olds who can't seem to let go of the little things while DeMaya simply wants to make it in life and make sure her friends are right by with her. Nicolas makes me smile. Not only does he remind my of my own in my family, but he truly wants to be a good boy and follow all the rules. I only named nine students, but I wish I could tell you about all thirty. I love them all, but I will love you more.

There would be no one I could compare you, a little girl, my little girl, to as you would birth from my very womb made from the very genetic, spiritual, mental, social, physical things that make me me and him him. I can't wait to hold you in my arms the way I want to hold little Lyrric or cradle Ashleigh. I can't wait to show you unconditional love like the Father showed me and my parents portrayed. You will be the best thing I will have ever done in my life, because you my sweet will represent a holy, sacred union of love and purity. I'll soon have experiences with you that bring me the same joy and create a relationship that I will aim to be unbreakable. You will never have to doubt my love, carry anger for my ways, or feel unattached. I will know when to let go and when to grab on.

So to a little girl, my little baby girl, until then...

Love,

Stephanie

Stephanie Deltor is a Spelman College student aiming to achieve her dreams of becoming a licensed psychologist and author. With her ambition here she write to inspire and encourage others in any way she sees fit. To learn more about her, her business, and her words, Click the following link: http://letters2thesoul.blogspot.com/

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Six Strategies for Creating a Healthy Feeding Relationship

For some women, the first days of breastfeeding are easy and effortless. For others, it's a time of learning, practice, patience, communication, and experimentation. Every woman, every breast, and every baby is different. One thing, however, remains constant; creating a healthy feeding relationship promotes physical and emotional well-being for you and your little one.

Your babe has a physical need for milk, of course, and breast-milk contributes to the health of almost every physical system that your little one has. On an emotional level, creating a healthy feeding relationship will help you meet your baby's needs of love, safety, and nurturing. Whether or not these emotional needs are met will have a huge impact on your little one's emotional well-being throughout his or her life.

By consciously creating a healthy and loving feeding relationship, you are providing your baby with their first experience of a healthy intimate relationship. This gives your little angel the feelings of safety, security, and nurturance that will impact all of their future relationships.

Breastfeeding allows you to read you baby's cues and to develop trust in your mothering instincts. This one act is responsible for a plethora of physical processes that help your post-baby body recover. In addition, breastfeeding also releases the hormone oxytocin (a.k.a. the love hormone), which is responsible for feelings of contentment, pleasure, and love. All of these wonderful feelings will contribute to your well-being and postpartum recovery.

Breastfeeding, and feeding in general, plays an important role in bonding. Bonding is the intense attachment that develops between a mom and her little one. It's what makes her want to shower her baby with love and affection, and it's what drives her to protect and nourish her little one. We psychologists are still learning a lot about the bonding process, but one thing is certain: breastfeeding (and feeding in general) is an important component in the bonding process.

If you're unable to breastfeed, not to worry, you will still be able to bond with your little one and create a loving and healthy feeding relationship. Here are some tips that can help you create a great feeding relationship with your baby no matter what the experience is like for you.

Be Flexible

If you're anything like I was as a new mother, you probably have an expectation about what successful breastfeeding should be like. From my experience, "shouldering" on yourself is never a good thing. Being flexible in your expectations about what breastfeeding will be like for you is critical when it comes to creating a great feeding relationship. Various unexpected circumstances often present themselves in breastfeeding (and in life). How we handle these circumstances can mean the difference between a great feeding relationship and a difficult one. If we're not flexible when unexpected things happen, we can end up feeling regret, blame, grief, and guilt. We can be hard on ourselves, and that negative self-talk can destroy our self-esteem and potentially harm our relationship with our infants.

Release the To-Do List

When feeding, put your to-do list on hold. I know it can be really difficult to sit down and relax when you have a hundred things that need to be done. Our overscheduled busy lives often create unhealthy amounts of stress, thus causing us to feel anxiety, tension, and irritation. Babies have the ability to sense these emotions, which can interfere with the feeding and bonding process. As a new mom, it is imperative for the well-being of you and your baby that you take this time to relax. In addition, when you release the to-do list, it's much easier to feed without schedules or restrictions. When your little one is permitted to feed without a schedule, it provides her with an opportunity to absorb all of the nourishment and love that she needs.

Get Naked (well, sort of)

Providing your little one with as much skin-to-skin contact as possible has huge emotional and physical benefits. Skin-to-skin contact helps to regulate a baby's breathing and heart rate, increases oxygen levels in the blood, stabilizes body temperature, keeps blood sugars higher, improves sleep, and improves brain development. Skin-to-skin contact also contributes to improved postpartum recovery for you, so it's a win-win situation. Find a favorite warm fuzzy blanket, strip down your little guy, and let him snuggle in close while you wrap the two of you in a cocoon of warmth.

Get Comfortable

When you settle in for feeding time, make sure that you are comfortable and supported. It's helpful to learn about different nursing positions so that you can find the one that makes you and your baby feel most comfortable. Also, take the time to make yourself a Zen-like space that promotes feelings of relaxation, calmness, and peace. Make sure everything you need is at your fingertips. I personally liked having a glass of water and lip chap nearby with a nursing pillow supporting my little guy and a blanket on my feet.

Ask For Help

Getting support from family, friends, older children, and professionals is the key to creating a great feeding relationship with your baby. Help the people around you to understand that you and your little one need a calm and quiet environment while breastfeeding. If you have older children, you may ask for their help (e.g., "can you please bring me a glass of water?"). This is an excellent way to help them feel needed and involved. If you feel like something isn't quite right, then seek assistance from a professional. For example, if you feel emotional distress, talk to your physician or psychologist. If you're feeling pain or are having a hard time getting comfortable, La Leche League is a great resource for breastfeeding support and education.

Be Present

Once you've released your to-do list, you'll find it much easier to be present with your little one. Focus on making eye contact, humming, singing, talking softly, or rocking your babe gently. Your voice is soothing to your little munchkin, and your loving attention provides her with feelings of love, safety, and nurturing. In the long run, this will have a positive impact on her self-esteem and confidence.

One final thought. When approaching these strategies, focus on one at a time in the order presented. Once you feel like you've mastered one, move on to the next one. Trying to do everything all at once is a trap that many women fall into, causing stress, anxiety, and feelings of not being good enough. Here's a bonus strategy for you.

Be gentle with yourself, and approach feeding with an open heart. Set your intention to do the best that you can, be flexible as unexpected circumstances arise, love yourself and your body, and all will turn out just fine. This approach will benefit you and your little one more than any other strategy.

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE, WEBSITE, BLOG, OR MAGAZINE?
Please do. Share the love! I'd be super grateful, and hopefully your readers will be too. All I ask is that you give credit to the writer (moi) by adding this blurb: Gemma Stone is a mom, psychologist, speaker, and writer who is passionate about birth. She focuses on empowering women to have peaceful and positive birth experiences (no matter how the birth process unfolds). Visit her at http://www.birthingfromlove.com/ and sign up for the free guide to Birthing without Fear.

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