I Am a Mother

Mother's day is here again. A few years ago, at this time I was inspired to write about my mother. This year, I'm choosing to write about me. I am a mother of two young men and a grandmother of a beautiful, active 3 year old little girl. In the last few years, my mothering has changed dramatically.
A few years ago, the selling of my house caused an immediate empty nest syndrome. Gone were the days of driving the kids to soccer, to baseball, to hockey. Gone were the days of dealing with temper tantrums, frustrations, paying for the kids poor decisions. Gone were the days of school concerts, chaperoning, homework. And here were the days of quietness, guilt, loneliness, and abandonment issues.
I went through hell the first year, especially when my son got really sick and ended up in trouble with the law, and I felt horribly guilty. I thought that if I hadn't moved and sold our house, that he wouldn't have gotten sick and be in jail. And when my other son, started spending more time with a 'substitute mom', his friend, I felt totally abandoned. I wasn't used to not having them around. They had always been there with me and for me I guess you could say, and I for them.
Now, they were no longer there, neither with me nor for me and it was extremely difficult. The crying, the anger, the guilt killed me for a while and then I slowly started accepting the change.
My role as a mother had changed considerably and it took me some time to get used to it. I was no longer the only responsible one, the one taking care of my kids. There were others now doing it; the nurses and their dad and other significant people. Yes, I found it difficult, but I realized eventually, that my children needed others to take care of them, to be there for them, that they were older now, and that they had their own lives to lead, despite the circumstances. I realized that my kids were going to be ok, despite how I felt.
Now years later, my kids are doing great. They are safe, well-adjusted, happy, 'taken care of' what matters to them, and loved by more than just me and that makes them pretty awesome. I know that I contributed to that, I was a big part of their life and I still am. I'm a different mom, now, than I was when they were younger. In many ways, I feel that I'm a better mom, now. I share my wisdom with them when they ask, and am a good role model. They may not always listen, but I know they pay attention. I'll always be there for them, and they will always be my children. I'll always be a mom and it's a role that I'm happy to say, that I still choose to keep for the rest of their lives.

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