It's Mother's Day! - Before You Shop, Ask Us What We REALLY Want!

It's that time again. We have been seeing the onslaught of promotions, 50% off deals on robes, discounted pedicures and "Don't forget the flowers for MOTHER'S DAY!" To make matters worse? We watch commercial after commercial showing family scenes of euphoria in the kitchen. You know the ones I am referring to. The teenage son looks pleadingly into his Mother's eyes and says..."If I don't tell you enough how much I love you." Oh please! Where are the real visages of family life? The weeping the wailing the gnashing of teeth followed by a cranky and sometimes begrudging compromise with the peace offering of stale red licorice from the snack drawer! The often hollow threats of "if you want to take the car out ever again mister you will clean that pig sty of a room of yours!" Forgive the rant, moving on.
Here's a thought...ask us what we really want for Mother's Day. Here's what we want. Buckle your seat belt.
Perhaps we should start with what we don't want. Forgive us for not sharing this with you before now. We sometimes have a difficult time saying what we mean and expect our long suffering partners and children to be clones of Kreskin.
-We do not want to stand in line to get into a crowded restaurant with harried wait staff and mediocre food.
-We do not want well intentioned family members running about doing the emergency room dance trying to create a meal that only creates more stress and dissension amongst the ranks. (It is, by and large too painful to watch)
-We do not want exercise clothes or a membership to a gym. (Honestly!)
-We do not want you to show up for 20 minutes to wolf down a meal and look at your watch and text through the thing. We are not mercy dates. Mothers can spot passive aggressive at 500 paces
-This is a biggie. We do not want out of some misguided attempt on our offspring's part to be chummy, to be referred to as "DOG." Ever. Even American Idol's Judge Randy Jackson, who seems particularly married to this term, would never utilize same in reference to his Mother!
Here is what we do want.
More than any other thing on Mother's Day we want PEACE AND QUIET and an absence of chaos, complication, crankiness, exasperation, impatience and to be required to listen endlessly to problems while being told we are not allowed to offer opinions on those endless problems. Flowers and chocolate do not make up for any of the above.
We want to know that our efforts have not been in vain. That our late nights and worries and nagging and rethinking and energy spent has made a difference to our children. We are patient in ways not seen or heard. We do not mind if it has been so much planting of seeds, we will wait. We just want to know that some of the seeds will grow and flower and re-seed.
More importantly, we want our children to know this vital bit of information. Perhaps it is time to break the Mother honor code and share it here. On your worst day, inexcusable on any level your worst bit of behavior, language, nonsense, horrific lack of common sense, public and familial humiliation for days? That you are still, that you are still, that you are still our little adorable babies. That we hold in our hearts and mind an image of you that is sacred. You are our chosen bundle of magic and hope. Whatever your current circumstance may be we hold a vision of you that is engaged in a chosen career that finds you happy to awake so that you can go and make a difference again each day. We happily contemplate you coming home to a perfect abode where someone loves you and cherishes you and treats you always with respect. We look forward to those changed conversations of admonishment to sharing the news of the day or remembering the bits about our parenting that were downright laughable and to laugh good naturedly at them.
That is not to say that we will overlook bad behavior, failure to launch, lack of common sense etc. Just saying.
May our children understand that as Mothers we are simply making our way the best way that we can and that we have given it our best, except for those days when we didn't. When those days have passed we got up, regrouped and tried yet again. Never giving up on our parenting and never giving up on our children. It only matters that you don't give up. This includes, despite the appearances of clenched teeth and graying hair, even when our children choose a life and a way that is perfect for them yet foreign to us. We may think that they are making a serious mistake and they may, for all intents and purposes be doing just that. If it turns out that this is the case and they are discouraged and disappointed and devastated we will always be there to encourage them without enabling them. To empower them without coddling them for we are not your friends. We are your PARENT. We have our own friends. A good thing too because if it were not for these friends to share our shock and dismay and angst over your growing pains we may just be inclined to say too much, short sheet your bed or hide your underwear that is no more substantial than a shoestring!
There is something else that many mothers want as well, something that we may not speak about very often. We simply want a few more minutes to spend with our Mom that has gone on to Heaven. A few moments to say they were right, that we are sorry, and mostly that we feel their presence around us each and every day. A few treasured moments to share how truly grateful we are for their worry and sacrifice and patience or impatience as the case may have been. What they taught us was perfect for us at the time and for whom we have turned out to be. We hope that as you become parents that you will be patient and long suffering with your children. Mostly we want you to never give up. Be patient with your parenting and know that all will be well.

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