Being a Parent With Aspergers

I am a 27 year old single woman with three kids. I work two jobs and study. I also have Aspergers. It isn't diagnosed, mainly because when I was at school I was just labelled as naughty or an enigma. My dad has Aspergers and my brother is autistic so as he has been diagnosed it has made more sense in my life. My kids are 9 and I have twins who are 6, and I have found parenting very hard; not to say that I am a bad or neglectful parent, but I struggle with relationships, and this applies to my kids as well. Asking me how I "feel" is stupid. I don't tend to feel anything. Trying to teach children about emotional responses when your still working yours out is hard. I love them, and I tell them I do everyday because I am aware of the importance of making your child secure in themselves, but its not natural to me. I find I mimic people around me and this means that I become whatever they want me to be. Which can be difficult if you're alone as you have no one to bounce off!

I have hopped from one rubbish relationship to another until recently, when I found someone similar to my "true" personality.

I left home at 16 as I clashed massively with my parents due to my dad's Aspergers. I rebelled to try and get a response but, in hindsight, people like me just switch off. This can be hard when it's your parent shutting off to you and this is why I try my hardest to not do that. My mum isn't Aspergers but there was no understanding back then and I don't think anyone could have put it right but a counsellor, who we probably wouldn't have listened to anyway.

I had an eating disorder, left my parents at 16, got pregnant with my son and threw myself into a volatile relationship where my partner was abusive. I was unable to handle the situation and just switched off as a self preservation but, as my son got older realised I had to leave to prevent him being damaged.

I went to live in a women's refuge and learnt a lot about people and how relationships were formed there. Looking back, the kind of people I was around wasn't a great basis for building feelings but, it helped I'm sure. Drink was a big part of my life there, as it was a few other girls. It helped mask the problem, although to be honest I have never been good at knowing what the problem was as I am good at forgetting or, I am just simply confused by what I feel! Being in this frame of mind meant I had many many bad times and bad people in my life but, that's what happens.

From the hostel, I sorted myself out, got a job, had twins and got engaged. I was with the twins father for 8 years but, never really knowing what I wanted or what I was doing and not being happy in myself meant I never really picked ideal people and we split up. I am now working two jobs, looking after the kids and living on my own. I am stable emotionally, have someone in my life I "love" very much, and now feel I can contribute to people's understanding of Aspergers without trying to seek answers for myself. My son has Aspergers as well, my daughter has tendencies but my youngest son is fine.

I tried to research parents with Aspergers but it seems most people either say about their kids having it or its a loose discussion on how autistic people don't have children.

So this is my life, or will be in bits, and I hope it can help someone else like me know they aren't alone.

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