First Time Mum

When I found out I was pregnant it was a month after my marriage. I was completely shocked, happy and terrified. A bunch of mixed feelings that just came all at a time.

It was not planned to have a kid so soon, and we didn't also manage to organise the suitable time for that huge step. We left things come on it's own way or as truly we believe " God's own plan for us"...

It felt like there is no way out, what are we going to do in that? How emotionally and financially are we going to survive this unpredicted new step? All these questions suddenly came on our minds with no one of us finding any answer or a clue for that. But something deep inside me was feeling happy, happy that I will have a baby from the man I truly loved and cherished for years before getting married.

After having this first shock as a slap on the face, we started struggling through this, he fought for any reason and with no reason at all, but at the end we discovered that no matter what plans you make for your life, god has different plans and they just seem difficult at the beginning but turn out perfectly amazing in the end.

And here we are now having a beautiful 4 months old healthy baby girl. When I look in her eyes I feel my life could never be more perfect than that.

I could never say it was that easy and never either that hard as I first imagined it will be. Life just goes on and everything could be handled although finding myself all alone with my new little baby was terrifying when you have no one else to depend on but yourself.

Your life no longer counts for your own needs and your partners. There is a priority now in your life, a baby that you must put before anything and everything.

Not that I forgot mentioning, I live in another country far away from my mum and family which make things more difficult than they already are, handling all my babies life alone, having no time for myself or my husband, feeling completely exhausted at the end of the day. All of the that made me for a while going out of my mind.

But then I look back imagining if my baby never existed! My life would have been so empty with no soul, no breath in it.

I now have all the courage to admit that without my baby my life would have been hell on earth, I love her and would never trade anything for having her even if that gives me more time, more comfort, more space to do whatever I want in my life..

And finally through this all, I love that feeling, it's the best feeling ever, the feeling of first time mum...

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