Whether to Return to Work After Maternity Leave

Regardless of what you decided about working after the birth of your baby, facing the reality of going back to work or staying at home once the baby is born can be a very stressful time. Many moms who had decided with barely a thought that of course they would return to work after their maternity leave frequently have very conflicting feelings about the reality of returning to work. And moms who may have always planned on staying home after having children may face unexpected challenges in facing the reality of looking toward a future at home full-time with their child.

What very few people consider when thinking about the decision to work or stay at home before their baby is born is how big a loss either decision can feel like when you are faced with the reality of your decision. For moms returning to work, it is common to feel:

A huge sense of loss associated with leaving your baby in another's careGuilt associated with the desire to return to workA feeling that their child will be irreparably harmed by the separation from youAnxiety about being away from your baby and having your baby's care outside of your controlAn unexpectedly strong desire to leave work and stay home with your baby.

For moms choosing to stay at home, it is common to feel:

A sense of loss associated with no longer receiving the validation of purpose that is gained by outside workA sense of vulnerability associated with being dependent upon their partner's incomeGuilt associated with conflicting feelings about leaving the work worldBoredom with the tasks of mothering, especially in the early months before the baby has become more interactiveLoneliness and isolation associated with being at home with a small baby.

These feelings can be very confusing, and new moms often struggle with the decision regardless of what their prior plans were. As a new mom, your entire world has changed, your priorities have shifted, and it can be a struggle to align the new role with the values you previously held. Many moms change course and decide to stay home despite having planned to return to work, or choose to go back to work despite planning to remain at home. Financial considerations play a huge role in this decision, as does the developing relationship with your baby, your own clarification of your needs and wants, and your relationship with your partner.

Getting help clarifying your feelings about returning to work, exploring alternative work arrangements, and getting validation for your choices can make this difficult time of transition go smoother.

Meri Levy, MA is a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern and Coach-Parenting™ Certified Coach. Meri offers individual, family and couples therapy, as well as parent education and coaching to families in the San Francisco East Bay Area. She offers counseling services as a Marriage and Family Therapy Intern through Oak Creek Counseling Center in Pleasant Hill, supervised by Stephen Polin, LMFT 7861. Visit her website at http://www.merilevy.com/.

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